Hurricane alert!, Hurricane Acissej_seira

From our foreign correspondent, Yew, reporting from outlying island of Pulau Sekudu:

"...can't write the way some of you are writing, anyway, there is a Hurricane alert island wide due to some changes in the environment in a triathlete training group.Hurrcane Acissej_seira is so strong that it has alters the geographic of the island, making PIE next to Serangoon garden, mayb marsiling, yishun, thomson, jurong, or even east coast will be next to seragoon garden too... many are waiting to see where this hurricane is heading to.... "

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Latest news on Hurricane Acissej_Sierra can be found on www.knn.com.

The meteorological services have confirmed reports that a category 8.58 hurricane has touched down on the tiny island nation of Singapore, affecting many households and businesses and causing widespread carnage. Power outages and massive traffic jams are causing additional mayhem on the streets. The Home Team and Ministry of Defence are out in full force to control the situation.

Trifam members have also been advised to stand-by and stay with their tri bikes and swim gear for immediate mobilisation once Ser Luck's built-in bicycle power horn is sounded.

Reports indicate that the hurricane is the strongest in Singapore's modern history, making it the number one threat on the island after terrorism and cancer. "The hurricane is so strong that even its name is altered!", quoted a spokesperson from the meteorological services.

The hurricane is expected to concentrate at the central areas, sucking in the east, west, north and southern parts of Singapore into its central vortex. The public is advised not to be alarmed by extremely strong gale force winds and torrential rains. Widespread flooding is expected in low-lying areas. The Singapore Civil Defence Farce will assist all Trifamers by providing water proofing for all bikes and running shoes.

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Analytical report from our parallel news agency:

"This is really creating a safety net," said Goon Goon, SCDFarce's acting deputy director of recovery. "There's never been any intent for someone to be left behind without the resources to protect their precious assets and left without a roof over their head."

He said the Rescue Water Proofing Program (READ: really, wat's people's problem) was partly intended to protect the Trifamers population who had been the greatest & biggest contributor to the GDP of the nation.

Dr. Pek Chek, director of the Center for Science and Chimalogy Policy Research at the University of Coconut, said the traditional way of looking at the damage inflicted by past hurricanes - calculating the value of property destroyed and adjusting for inflation - was misleading. "Something else is going on," he said.

Dr. Pek Chek added that he hoped the estimated cost in damage would help officials make decisions about how to rebuild from hurricane carnage and help them understand that disasters of similar magnitude were all too likely in the future. "This is not a one-off type of event," he said. "It's not just Acissej_Sierra."

Cho Si Mi Network, 12 Dec